Hmm, long time since my last BLOG, sorry. Guess I have a lot to talk about so I will begin, here goes...

1st of all blogspot is sucking ass lately! Everytime you try to go into a BLOG hosted by them it times out, or takes forever loading. Because of that I decided to start searching for somewhere else to host my BLOG. Then I thought, hey I'm with Bellsouth, shouldn't I have free space with my account with them? Well it took me about 2 hours to contact them, find it, and then find out its a total pain in the ass to use it. Long story. I go to Freeserver.com and they don't support my version of Frontpage. Screw it to hell I say. I will continue to look, but its been so long since i've done this webpage crap i've forgotten more than I probably learned.

OK, this morning I slept in a bit because I took a couple of vacation days, I get up and just didn't feel too hot. I sit at the computer a bit to play a little Diablo2 (Starting a new necromancer dude, which is pretty cool), and then watch a little TV. I have this pain flaring up in the lower portion of my back, kindve like the pain you have after you pass out drunk and wake up having to pee really bad. But going to the bathroom didn't help it at all. Sitting there, worried that it may be another kidney stone, and praying it isn't - because that hurt like a bastard. I go take a long hot shower, that's what I always do whenever i'm sick, whether its a flu or a hangover, well that didn't work either. I lay down upstairs and try to watch a DVD up there and I couldn't get comfortable and it wasn't working, just getting worse. So, i'm thinking I should go ahead and go to the Dr.s office to get some drugs before they close for the weekend, and just my luck they closed at noon, screwed. I called Cathy and asked her to take me to the emergency room, because now I'm really hurting and I need drugs fast. I sit down and put on my socks and shoes and when I stand up I notice there isn't any more pain. Now i'm feeling like a jerk, what could it have been? Maybe a pulled muscle that worked itself out, or maybe even gas, what a stud I am huh???

Went to the Cracker Barrel to eat dinner, had fried shimp, I felt 10lbs being added to my big butt as I ate. Now even splurge meals are making me feel bad, I guess that's a good thing. After eating went to Circuit City, I love looking around in there. They have thousands of different DVDs and no "Alien", whats up with that? Am I wrong but isn't that one of the best scifi movies ever made? Oh well, I guess I'll have to get it on eBay. After Circuit City we go to the 9:40pm movie to see "Matrix - Reloaded". It is rated "R" so Kay has to go to another movie, and that is just the beginning of our problems for the night. Kalynn, she is almost 13 and is totally afraid to do anything by herself, I blame myself & Cathy for that. When I was her age I was begging to go to the movie by myself. She knew what the situation was going to be when we left the house to go, we were going to leave her with Mom & Dad but she begged to come, saying she would watch another movie. When we got there, she said there was too many teenagers there and was afraid. Cathy finally got her to realize she is being silly and it will be OK to go to see her movie while we go to the Matrix. As we finally get in, our theater is filling up fast, and Cathy is bringing Kay in to where we are going to sit, i'm like, why is she coming in here? And Cathy is freaking out, telling me she just wants her to see where we are sitting, I can't believe it. So she leaves with her and comes back, I felt that it was kindve silly doing all of that, just point her in the direction of her movie and tell her when its over to wait on us in the lobby, but noooooo. So right at the end of our movie, here she comes walking in, and proceeds to stand in the isle right next to where we are sitting, I ask her what she needs and She tells me that her movie is over, so I said, go out and wait in the lobby or hall. Good grief. So about 10 minutes later, after missing about 5 minutes of the ending, we go out and shes not in the hall, and the lobby is roped off, Cathy is freaking and i'm just totally frustrated. I didn't make a big deal out of it, but I just don't think that situation was handled correctly. I mean, if we expect for her to be able to do anything by herself, we have to trust her to do things without 100% parental guidance. So I have a major headache, and nobody is talking to me, but for the record, I didn't say anything rude or ugly to either of them.

When we were leaving Circuit City I see this girl running up to me with a big smile, and I realize who it is. Pam Hendley. Wow, I had just been talking about her, what are the chances of seeing her. So She runs up and jumps up on me, and gives me this huge hug. The cool thing about the hug is, as were hugging, she squeezes right in the middle of the hug, like its just between us, and nobody else will know about it. Wow. So we back apart and there is this awkward silence as her husband is standing there looking at me, and Cathy and Kalynn is standing there wondering whats going to happen next. I'm sure Kalynn had no clue who it was, but Cathy knew her, just had forgotten her name, although Cathy never knew her when we ran together. Pam says, "Hi!" looking at Kalynn, and says "Your name is Katie (or something funny like that) isn't it?" lol, well, I thought it was a pretty good guess since she probably has only seen her once or twice when she was a little baby. She says they had been at Logans eating and had just finished, i'm wondering now if I even said anything, lol, I was just in shock. I was 22 and had a freshman crush on her. It is a long story but I still get tongue tied whenever I see her. She is looking older now, but still very pretty, I guess that's what 20 years does to you, I wonder what she thinks about me, I used to wear my hair very short and spiked and was thin the last time she saw me. When we worked at Piggly Wiggly together she was a little overweight, but carried it very well, and had one of those headfulls of hair, you know, 80's style. What I remember most about her? She was with me when I reached my goal and never let me think I couldn't make it. She was always my friend and always was on my side. She was there for me when Tammy broke my heart. She had the bluest eyes I had ever seen, and untill maybe a couple of years ago, maybe the prettiest eyes I thought I would ever see. We drank hunch-punch and smoked pot together. She would always say, Bubba don't listen to that, it always gets you too mellow. Yeah, I was Bubba back then, and she was the girl in my life for a couple of years. Not the kind that you marry or settle down with, but the kind you always remember and wonder if... What if...

-I can't think of anything but you at the weirdest times, like picking apples at the store, or listening to music when I ride.

The song that always made me "Mellow": Thru' With The Two Step - Robert Plant - The Principle of Moments (05:32)]

-If I hear a great song, I think of you.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: When I Lost You (Radio Version) - Sarah Whatmore (03:26)]

Hi.

Haven't Blogged in a while. I noticed in Bren's Blog that I made her prose, and the funny thing is, I totally agree with her. I know I'm a paranoid bastard. I'm jealous, paranoid & have a fucked up ideal of self conscience. I can't argue that I'm not, because of anyone I know I am. At times, just sometimes, these traits can be viewed as good, but when overlyused, they can become just the opposite. Ive worn my badge of honor with my head down and my tail between my legs. No, not just one person has told me, but many. My reputation forgoes me. When I "freak out", lecture, over analyse, preach, get on my soap box, too cocky or judge another. You see, I will tell you a secret about myself. The only reason I'm like this is because I was so timid in school, my Mother would tell me, your better than anyone else in this world. I would tell her, but Mom they look better or they have nicer clothes or they have more friends. Mom would tell me that that's not what matters but whats inside, and being a good person is what matters, not what you wear. I would sit back and watch them. I would see them go along with something they wouldn't actually want to do because they wanted to fit in, or they wanted to be with the "in crowd" and I thought I understood. I could be fat or uncool and still be happy with myself. But when you fall in love, or you get something that you can't command, your always worrying that it will leave you, not of your choosing. I do over analyse because Im unsure of myself, I battle with myself more than the ones that think I battle them. When I can't understand I ask questions, and if they cant answer them, I ask myself and try to put myself in their position. And if I don't fit, I automatically think its wrong, I feel like I'm unwavering yeah heardheaded. I do have the ability to change, I'm not a old dog, you can teach me new tricks. I have been told that my greatest asset is my tenderness and thoughtfulness, and if they only knew, that comes from my own self assurance, or lack of. Im sorry guys, I know I have the problems, I guess that's a first step.

The sweetest cordial we receive, at last, Is conscience of our virtuous actions past. - Denham.

Im thinking I will move my BLOG. Blogspot is constantly down, and I hate the add on the top. I think I have free webspace with Bellsouth, I shall check.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Blinded - Third Eye Blind - Out Of The Vein (04:22)]

Everything is OK now. Actually everything is perfect...

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Thank You (Album Version) - Dido - Total Girls 2 (03:37)]

Over the last 3 nights I've downloaded 16 CDs. Some are really good, some really suck. My point exactly as to why you shouldn't run out and waste $20 on crap.

Ah my favorite subject, CHAT ROOMS! What a bunch of losers. This is my BLOG and my opinion and I guess if you don't like reading it, you can always hit the big "X" button up there on your tool bar. I could go into my typical rant and really slam the lowlifes in them, but instead I will let them do it for themselves. Take a look:

horny_hot_hard_dick - Marital Status: No Answer - Age: 21
just_a_mexican_in_texas - Marital Status: No Answer - Age: 29 - Occupation: A good one
meatybone712000
mr_puff_in_stuff
southern_charmer02 - Hobbies: loving my sweet lady,making her happy,sharing both male and female with her.
uk_sally19 - Age: 19 - Hobbies: Having fun - parties/clubbing/sucking cock
krazy_lil_bytch_wantin_2_69 - Location: hopefully in ur bed - Age: 20
tasty4u692003
wild_julie2001 - Age: 19 - Occupation: student
justasmuchassastits60
filly_thai - Age: 19 - Hobbies: Hi Guys, hope you enjoy my profile, more photos of me on my webpage:)
one_hot_fine_babe: hi attractive SF, anyone want to chat?
celliott237: southern can i get an invite to lick please
rossoelvis: yeah the invisable lick is great!!!!!!!!!!!
funman6678: lick can i see your bottom half please ?
peoriayounghunggay - Occupation: sucking cocks getting blowjobs from men
bed_halley - Marital Status: Single And Looking - Age: 19
wuvable_snugable_fozybear - Age: 43
ecko_girl2003 - Hobbies: party and hang out with friends drinking - Age: 18
hunglikehorse32
eat_meat4u
master_4_fem_slave - Hobbies: Teaching with a firm hand the methods to please a man/woman. Understanding the need to be shown the way.

Ah, I've been there and done that, and yes I "over analize" it, but its not because I think I'm better than hunglikehorse32, its because I thought you were. So, do it, have fun and I won't tell you to stop. What a great way to make myself feel better about myself. There is nothing in none of those places that I want, need or want to be associated with. Have fun.

Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Nothing compares 2 U - Sinead o' Connor - Va - If Tomorrow Never Comes (05:09)]

-Everytime I see a picture of you I smile, no matter what.
Maybe one damn day, we will get this right!!

Good morning. it's 6:03am here and something smells so good here, its almost seductive, kind've like a blueberry muffin smell. Anyway...

I left going to Tim's house around 4:00pm. As soon as I got off work I came home and showered & changed. I checked the MP3 site and found that Staind, Third Eye Blind, Mya & Sugar Ray had new CDs out, so I downloaded those quickly. I burnt Travis a copy of Third Eye Blind to take to him (Tim's son). Riding out there was so great, I decided not to pull my hair back, the weather was wonderfull, I had a great CD to listen to, my sunglasses made me look cool (I thought) & I heard her voice just a couple of hours before. When I get to the driveway Tims calling to ask if I was going to come, maybe he was as anxious as I was to drink. John wasn't able to come because he had a trip to Illinois, Martha said since he was going to be gone for 3 days starting tomorrow he needed to stay home, which I totally understand. If you knew John, you would like him, I really do. When I went in I got a nice cold Bud Light and poured it in a glass and drank it as quickly as possible, you can't imagine how good it tasted, and I don't really like the taste of beer. We drank a few more, fogged out in the yard and watched the basketball game. After that we went outside and lit the bonfire and I did get a couple of pictures of that, I will post them later this afternoon if I get back on here. I think I left out drinking a few beers and margaritas in describing what we did, yeah it was just me & Tim but sometimes its better for only 2 guys to hang out. Oh yeah, I smoked a really big cigar too, that was fun, gave me the coolest buzz. What was so awesome was that the weather was so threatening and lighting was flashing in the distance while our fire was sending sparks to the sky, it was so surreal. I looked into the embers and my mind raced and thoughts came pouring in from every direction. It started to rain around (i'm guessing) midnight, thats when we came in and watched "The Man Show" on comedy central. Tim cooked a pizza and I had 2 slices, he cooked another but I couldnt eat anymore, the first got me sick actually. getting back to "The Man Show" I must tell you, i'm just not one of those kind of men, I mean I love to look at a pretty woman and I love to do the male bonding thing, but those guys are just male chauvinist pigs. Of course I acted like I really thought it was cool while I was there, I couldn't mess up my own male bonding experience! Anyway, I wake up at 5:00am on the leather sectional sofa, the TV is on, all the lights are out and everybody is asleep. I realized my last pair of contacts are in and my eyes feel like the Shahara desert, so I take those out, put my shoes on and quietly slip out of the house coming home, its 5:15am. That was my night, nothing special, but a good time with nice people & a definite needed distraction. A few things are bothering me though, I called a phone number today that started with 666, and a black cat ran right out in front of me on the way home, I didn't really think I was that superstitious, but those 2 things freak me out a little.

I talked to her today, or I guess it was yesterday now, 20 hours ago. You know, she did and still does deserve all the feelings I still feel for her, but I remembered why things were so difficult for me when we were talking. She never liked the pedestal I put her on, she always said she was unworthy. I guess nobody is worthy, nobody is perfect, and that's what I always tried to make her understand all the time. I wanted her to see that for me she was, and we could be perfect like that. The thought of her seeing the things I know is there now, depresses me. Her innocence was what I admired and so loved about her, in those places and with those people she has now, there is none. I don't hate her now, i'm not mad because shes chosen that over me, I just miss her. So, it will never be the same again, to me that's so very sad, it makes me hurt inside like i've never hurt before, it makes my eyes water knowing I cant have the closeness I had with her. I don't miss the worrying & the deception, your best friend isn't supposed to lie to you, that's the rule. I guess in the long run, I wasn't as fun to her as her other adult friends, I accept the fact that I couldn't give her what she wanted or needed, but I can't accept that the ones she talks to now can. Can they?

So now, its 6:39am, its grey outside, the ground and roads are wet with the storms memory, I have no headache amazingly, and I know that i'm changing. Its a feeling like when you know there is no Santa, Christmas just isnt ever the same again. I wonder if my life will be now...

-I couldn't wait to get home to talk to you

I'm going to bed now.

We're flying above it all
Hold my hand, don't let me fall
You've such amazing grace
I've never felt this way...

Show me heaven
Cover me
Leave me breathless
Show me heaven please

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Show me heaven - Maria McKee - Va - If Tomorrow Never Comes (03:46)]

Have had a lot of irate employee's today, sad how silly somethings seem to me. Why can't people all get along and act like adults.

I can actually feel a difference in my clothes today, I really think the work-outs are going to help, you were right about that Brenda. Didn't matter how much I dieted, the weight just wouldnt come off untill I started to move my big butt, now it is, but I must say I'm sore!

It was so good hearing your voice today. Kindve like my splurge meal on Saturday nights, you dont know how good pizza is until you havent eaten it in 2 weeks. Your my pizza.

I really don't want to spend the night at Tim's tonight, but I wont drive while I'm drunk, so if I drink too much he'll just have to snuggle up with me. I may take my camera and take a few pictures to post. May be fun.

Horse-shoes, Margaritas, deer sausage and steak, what could be better? I know...

-I get chills watching mushy movies because I think of you.

Song of the Day: Robbie Williams - Angels (I think this has already been a song of the day here, sorry but I happen to like it)

Alone for the weekend.

Tim invited me out for a Margarita party, I will probably go, I need to get out.

I emailed you last night. I wonder if I did the right thing. As usual, probably not.

Gnite...

Good Man
If you ever find a way to forgive me
If you ever find a way to put this all to rest
Because I am hanging on your dress now like a little boy
When all that you wanted, all that you wanted
Was a good man

Right in the middle of another big fight
Boom back another one tonight
Blood never forgets but who protects the memories from when we bleed each other from the vein

And if you ever find a way to make this interesting
If I ever find a way to stop disintegrating
Into pieces that I was, that you destroy
When all that you wanted, all that you wanted
Was a good man

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Good Man - Third Eye Blind - Out Of The Vein (09:22)]

She was in POGO again this afternoon, about 4:30pm or so. Kind've strange, she normally didn't play at that time of day. It had gotten to where I didn't know her habits anymore. I actually went in the same room she was in, it was full I had to hit refresh 30 or 40 times before there was an opening. I had made up my mind I was going to say hi to her. When I finally got in and saw what table she was on, she was playing a bot, but I couldn't get in to talk to her because the table was locked. I remember when we would play spades or hearts online together, I would make a complete idiot out of myself to make her laugh. I loved making her happy, but in the end I couldn't. I'm sorry...

You, you are the one.
You're all I've been thinking about,
and I, I'd give it all away,
if only you were here beside me.
For one moment, you're so close, I can feel you breathe.
For one moment, now you're all I know that I need.

Just when I thought you were there to depend on.
Don't you know that I've tried everything I know to do.
I would live or die for you.
I just want to know why, cause.
I've got a lot to learn about love.
Oh yeah, the only girl I care about it gone, she's gone.
Teach me about love

And now, now that you're gone.
I'm here with my memories and now I'm alone.
You, you can't see, the love I'm feeling for you.
I can't let this moment slip away,
Don't you know that every single time I feel this way.
Every time I turn away someone's saying goodbye

What I'm Listening To Right Now: I've Got a Lot to Learn About Love - The Storm - The Storm (04:25)]

I've had this urge the past few days to call. Just to hear you say hello. I just wonder if its as hard for you, as it is me.

But that probably isn't the reason. i've thought about this a lot, and I know why I miss you so much. Its because you were my best friend. We talked everyday for 3 years. I remember times we would talk for 6 or 7 hours straight. We wouldn't even have anything to talk about and we would just listen to each other breath. Then it wasn't about me freaking out about you doing something, we had each other. You see, we were both in relationships that sucked, and as wrong as it may seem now, we found comfort in each other. Without you now, I feel lost. SHIT

So now your in POGO. Why I wonder? maybe you could've changed your name, but you didn't. I deleted your name from my ICQ, because I know if I saw you online I would send you a message, sometimes I go there waiting for a message that wont come. I wonder why I didn't delete your name from POGO, I guess I know why, everyone knows why. I still love you. Yeah, you came to me before, but now you wont, because either you think its best for me that you don't, or you don't want to be weak.

So I want to call to here you say hello. I want to hear my friend again. I miss her.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Lightning Crashes - Live - Heaven (CDM) (05:25)]

Oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the Earth again
I can feel it
Oh why, oh why, oh why
Lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
The angel opens her eyes
Pale blue colored iris, presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide

I'm here. I've read that if you have a limb amputated that you will still feel it, when its gone. I believe that.

I wonder if she ever thinks of me.

I wish this would stop....

Will it ever?

What I'm Listening To Right Now: I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden - Affirmation (04:12)]

OK, I won't force more pictures down your throat tonight. I showed the pic to a few co-wokers today, now keep in mind I didnt want that "exact" piture, but the feel. A couple of guys liked it, the only two girls I showed it to said no way. They said it put across the wrong idea, hmmm, now I'm really thinking if a pin-up girl tat is smart on my part. I mean, its what i've always wanted, but when Im 80 will it still be OK? God just get the damn thing and quit questioning myself & overthinking it!

Burning CDs and watching Star Search, lets vote Naomi off! And to think I love Ashlee

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Bleed to Love Her - Fleetwood Mac - Say You Will (04:09)]

Was watching Oprah tonight and she had Emeril on, I like that guy. You know, he is the chef that goes "BAM!" when he adds stuff to his dishes. So, I thought it would be a neat idea to let you know what type of dishes we eat down here in Southwest Georgia; If you want any of the recipes, just email me, I'll be glad to hook you up.

Cornbread with melted butter covered with field peas and sweet tomato pickles

Fried porkchops or cubed steak with flour gravy and sauteed onions

Homemade potato salad

Biscuits made from scratch & sweet ice tea

Macaroni & cheese casserole

Sweet potato souffle

Homemade peach ice cream or fresh picked strawberries & cream on pound cake

Funny Sites: Dogs In Cars - Homestar Runner

I miss Gracie & Rosie

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Calling All Angels - Train - My Private Nation (03:49)]

OK, I guess i'm gonna get busy and play with this a bit and take advantage of this new program.

A tattoo of similar design is what I'd like.

If your interested, this is the bike I want. Of course I want a black one totally tricked out, lottsa chrome and leather.

Well, I bought a new blender today and made a bananas smoothie, was pretty good. Didn't eat enough today, only oatmeal, a 6"sub and the smoothie. Feel weak and tired, think I'm going to bed... Gnite.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Why Do I Feel So Sad - Alicia Keys - songs in A minor (04:26)]

Oh, I see how the music thing works now, It takes the song your listening to and displays the info, pretty slick huh?

[Song Of The Day: Lets Stay Together - Al Green (03:20)]

OK heres what the new program does - Spell Check - Bold - Italic - Underline- Strike - Color - Font - Link To This Program


VIPER PICTURE

CENTER CENTER CENTER CENTER CENTER

LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT

RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT

Hmmmmm, whats the music thing?

test

Actually a little good news tonight. It's 11:15pm and i'm fixen to go to bed (yes you guessed correctly I live in Georgia). Back to the good news, I found my sunglasses, my heart almost did a flip when I saw them. And where were they? Only in the truck glove compartment that I had already searched 2 times, oh well, i'm happy. The next good news is that I just finished reformatting my HD and all seems to be OK, but not only that POGO now works, FINALLY! I had grown addicted to popping them damn balloons. So, as you can see, good news in my life is POGO working, oh man.

I didn't exercise today, my plans were to start today, but people were at my house and it screwed my PLANS up. DAMN. Tomorrow...

I've thought about last nights post today alot. Trink asked if I had found it somewhere else. Let me tell you this funny story: Once upon a time I sent someone a poem I found on the net, now I had wrote many MANY poems and sent in the past, this was a fluke. Of course I said I wrote it, because I wanted them to think it was how I felt inside. Actually it was how I felt inside, but someone else had already written it so I figured WTF, right? Wrong. Basically I know I couldve written a better one, but for some stupid reason I elected to say I had written this one. Oh, I changed a few words, and a couple of sentences, but it was by no means mine. So to cut to the chase, the person I sent it to ask me if I wrote it, and I could tell by their voice that something wasnt right, I asked why they would ask if I wrote it, I don't think I ever lied and said I did, but I led them to believe I did. Now, if you were that other person, you would then question my loyalty, character & morals, as I do to myself just thinking about it. So there you have it, I was a thief and a liar about a poem, that was telling someone my feelings for them. How sad. Ah, It was like when I was 11 and was caught stealing, I learned a valuable lesson, and that day taught me one. Not that by some freak of nature that someone reads the exact same poem that I lifted from a site out of millions of poems out there, but you should not lie. Not about your feelings to someone and certainly not about something so simple as a poem. Ive learned that it doesnt matter if youve written it or not, its the thought that counts. If you ever read this, I'm sorry for that, and sorry I dont think is ever enough. I was wrong, and to this day I think of it. But Trink, I wrote the BLOG last night, that I promise. The scarey thing is, I think like that constantly, never-ending. I'm afraid to write like that sometimes because I'm afraid people will think I'm weird or whatever. I just can't cut it off.

Well, 5:00am comes early so I shall hit the sack. I had a glass of gin and cranberry juice to help me sleep, I hope it works. Nights are long when you can't forget.

I miss carmel-apple suckers & pepperjack cheese

Song Of The Day: Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers

I'm smarted than they are. I look at them in contempt as they calculate and figure and agree they are right. I know the words they seek and I know the paramount choice. But I stay quiet. I'm born again from the ones that I consider worthy. I am their spirit. Though them I feel and create and pattern my actions. My conscious is my virtue, my patience is never compromising. Without them I am nothing, without them there is no me. I touch and feel, like no other, my passion spreads through my fingertips without any end. Yes, they have given me my strength. I consume you with my never-ending love. Yes, I know I’m worthy of the love that I deserve, because I give without asking for it in return. I know in the end I shall reveal who I truly am like the rising phoenix from the ashes. And my transformation shall shock and dismay those that looked down on me and ignored my brilliance. For my life, though only a speck in time will be marked by the greatness I feel inside. And the feelings I have for those I give my love to, will only grow stronger, because it is real and it’s nurtured every day. Still my heart, because I know what I saw them think about me, the spirit cannot be so easily seen. Yes, I too know what I see in the mirror; to them what is not seen. Oh - The joy that will free me and unlock the universe to my soul. I shall overcome the petty incompetence that troubles me. No food or person shall rule my world, my personal space, my being. Yes, they are wrong. My choices are essential, my value is immeasurable, my life is electric, and my mind is grand – I shall return & overcome. My path, mind over matter. My future…Yes, my potential is what I decide, not you or your misguided opinion of me.

You see what I really feel inside, damn I scare myself sometimes…

I feel, I hurt, I want, I know, I am

Song Of The Day: Annie Lennox - Why

OK, why is my centering command not doing right in the last few posts? I had both tags in the right spot, see - shit like that pisses me right off. Wow, guess you can tell I'm in one of those moods huh? Sorry...Gnite

Tonight was different, but not really. Went to Tim's house to drink a couple of beers, my boss. Another co-worker was there, John, I get along with both really well. We drank a couple and played some horse-shoes, I beat John but Tim beat me. Watched "The Transporter" with Tim, its supposed to be the next "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" (just kidding). John and his wife Martha had to leave early, she's from Mexico and Saturday nights is her night to call home for hours. I usually get totally blasted when I go over there, just wasnt in the mood.

Been really wet and stormy here the past couple of days. I love the rain and thunder. I wonder where ever you may be reading this from if you have mosquitoes. They were out in force tonight and about carried me away, they were biting so much. I've, for some reason, always attracted them more than other people, maybe they think i'm sweet or something, who knows...

Have you ever looked at a picture of a lighthouse? Have you ever wondered how many waves wash ashore, underneth its view. I used to never think of them, or see thier beauty until maybe a couple of years ago. Now, well thats another story...

Lighthouse

Sometimes my life is dark, empty, and foreboding
Like a ship in the night out at sea
But you are there for me
You are the tower of strength that I rely on.

Sometimes I'm sad and alone
Like the captain at the wheel, wanting to be home
But you are there for me
You shine your bright light for me to reach out to

Sometimes I'm confused, not sure what to do
Like the seaman who looses his way in the fog
But you are there for me
Your voice tells me the right direction.

Sometimes life is as rough as the uncaring sea
It causes panic, frustration, and despair
But you are there for me
A quiet entity on the edge of a rugged cliff.

You are my Beacon, My Lighthouse...Unknown

I wish I had something interesting to talk about tonight, I feel like talking to someone, about anything, or maybe just typing into the night. I feel lonely right now, its dark and my mood is not what it normally is, or used to be. I kind've feel like talking about personal things here is a bore to the average reader, and I think I worry what people think too much to act on my own terms. I should just make myself happy, like others I know, and not give a fuck about what I say or do, or who's feelings it happens to hurt.

Talked to Steve today, first time in a good while. Were talking about doing something soon, that would be nice. David and I are planning our bike trip, and it should be fun, its going to be fun as long away as its going to be and all the planning thats going into it. Havent talked to Ron in some time now, maybe a couple of weeks, miss him.

Enjoyed talking to you, wish you were here...

Song Of The Day: REO Speedwagon - Keep On Loving You

I miss my Viper35 screen name. When I achieve my goal and buy my harley I'm going to buy a black leather vest and have a red viper on the back, kindve like huge eyes and large fangs, maybe on top "VIPER 35" underneath "DON'T TREAD ON ME". Yeah thats cool. Getting closer to my tat design, maybe another week.

Something I want to stop thinking about, but can't - M&M's

Song Of The Day: Collective Soul - Why Pt. 2

In the air I'm tasting your perfection
Forgive me dear for my misdirection
As I crawl beneath this torture you adore
I fall face to face with my scars you've ignored

So tell me why it don't feel the same
Tell me why I've got to feel this way
Yeah you leave, you're gone
And I'm left here with the blame
So tell me why it don't feel the same

All my props I swear they were in order
Even with the warnings of your thunder
Now I pause to let my silence scream tonight
Awhile you roam like a serpent satellite

I'm not even gonna correct the spelling there, these BLOG Bastards need a spell-checker dammit!

OK, its Thursday, I officially changed my lifestyle on Moday. Hmmm, so hows it going? OK I guess, except that I'm hungry as hell! I think thats a good sign. I had a working lunch today and had a steak and baked potato (no butter) and a roll, have just been drinking water. So I dont think thats too bad, it did feel me up for a while, lol. You know what they say, you cant make your body feel like its starving itself or your motabloism will solw way down and the weight will just stay! ARGH!

I really don't think people like ready about fat people looseing wieght, but who knows...

I got the DVDs from eBay yesterday, and watched both. The "Shaolin Soccer" was pretty good, but the other one "Returner" was far better. I recommend it to guys that like "MAN MOVIES!".

For anybody that builds thier own PC's out there, DONT buy a Audigy card for XP unless its the Audigy 2, this thing is constantly crashing my system.

"You can't say that" makes me think of you...

Song of the day: Blessid Union Of Souls - Standing At The Edge Of The Earth